No reason not to celebrate

No reason not to celebrate

Husband takes the wife to a disco.

There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says: “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

Husband says: … Read the rest of this entry

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So tired …

So tired …

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that … Read the rest of this entry

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Firefighters at their finest

Firefighters at their finest

One dark night in the township of Whakatane, New Zealand, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the … Read the rest of this entry

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Surprise handjob

Surprise handjob

A girl was giving me a hand job last night.

“You’re really good at this,” I said, “what’s your secret?”

“Years of practice,” she giggled.

“You’ve done this to loads of guys then? I asked.

“No” came the reply, “my name used to be Derek.”… Read the rest of this entry

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Three dogs

Three dogs

They did a study a few weeks ago on a common rumour that dogs after a while start acting like their owners. So the scientist picked an architect’s dog, an accountant’s dog, and a homosexual’s dog.

They put the architect’s dog in a room gave him ten bones and he … Read the rest of this entry

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O and o

O and o

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils … Read the rest of this entry

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That fly

That fly
I said to my girlfriend, “Please get me a newspaper.”
“Don’t be silly,” she replied, “you can borrow my iPad.”

That fly never knew what fucking hit it …

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Revenge is a dish best served …

Revenge is a dish best served …
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. He went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He … Read the rest of this entry
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Great product line

Great product line
In efforts to keep with a great product line, we are now offering a new inexpensive Tampon. We know it won’t be the best so our slogan will be as follows:

Our Tampons may not be #1 but, we’re still up there!

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US vs. British Navy

US vs. British Navy

The US and British Navy were recently on military exercises in the Persian gulf. The communications officer on the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise sent a radio message to the British carrier HMS Illustrious: “And how”s the second biggest Navy in the world today then?”

To which the Illustrious officer responded: … Read the rest of this entry

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Vacuum cleaner

Vacuum cleaner
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps a bucket of cow shit all over the carpet.

He

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Safe to eat and drink all you like

Safe to eat and drink all you like

For those of you who watch what you eat, here is the final word on Nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.… Read the rest of this entry

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Amish lady

Amish lady

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

“Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.”

“Oh, I’ll let my husband, … Read the rest of this entry

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First day as a hooker

First day as a hooker

The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street , the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

She said “well , he was a big muscular and handsome sailor”. “Well , what did he want to do?” They all asked. … Read the rest of this entry

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Priests out for a swim

Priests out for a swim
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day. They were sweating profusely by the time they came upon a small lake with a sandy beach. Since it was a secluded spot, they left all their clothes on a big log, ran down the … Read the rest of this entry
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Jew Jitsu

Jew Jitsu

So one guy says to another guy, “Mandelbaum and Rosenstern were talking one day…”

Right away, his friend interrupts him, “Always with the Jewish jokes! Give it a rest! Why do they always have to be about Jews? Just change the names to another ethnic group for once!”

So he … Read the rest of this entry

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Preacher’s salary

Preacher’s salary

The Preacher explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.

Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City, stands up and proclaims, “If the Preacher stays, I will … Read the rest of this entry

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Groin massage

Groin massage

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll … Read the rest of this entry

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Big holiday choices

Big holiday choices
I told my wife to spin the globe, put her finger on it and wherever it lands that will be the holiday destination.

”Ooooo!” she says excited, ”Looks like its the Caribbean.”

”Great .” I replied, ”Now lets see where I’m going.”

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Life choices

Life choices
I was having a quick drink in a quiet pub in town when I spotted a guy, deep into his glass at the end of the bar. He looked worse for wear and kind of sad so I went over.

“Hey mate, you ok?” I asked.

“What a fucking day.”

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