Pussy willows

Pussy willows

A man sitting in a chair on his porch sees two boys walking past his house. He asks “What do you have there?” One boy says “We got chicken wire.” The man says “What are you going to do?” “We’re gonna catch chickens.” The man laughs “You can’t catch chickens … Read the rest of this entry

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Suicide line

Suicide line

I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.

When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.… Read the rest of this entry

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”
Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says … Read the rest of this entry

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The cure for snoring

The cure for snoring

This lady goes to a vet and learns that that if you put a ribbon around a snoring dog’s penis he’ll roll over and stop snoring.

The next night her dog is snoring so she goes to the kitchen and gets a red ribbon and ties it around her dog’s … Read the rest of this entry

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The pickle slicer

The pickle slicer

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion… He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he … Read the rest of this entry

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The vet

The vet

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

“My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him”

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, “I’m going to have … Read the rest of this entry

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Two dogs humping

Two dogs humping

A man and his son are walking down the road and see two dogs humping in a lawn. The son asks his dad, “Why are they doing that?”

Thinking quickly, the father replies, “The dog on top hurt his paw so the other one is helping him walk.”

The kid … Read the rest of this entry

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Cost effective assassin

Cost effective assassin

A man goes to an assassin because his wife is sleeping with his best friend. The assassin tells him, “It’s going to cost you $1000 per bullet.”

The man says, “What if you miss?”

The assassin replies, “I don’t miss.”

With this they head off to the motel where his … Read the rest of this entry

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Premature ejaculation

Premature ejaculation

A woman went out for a first date and was upset when the bloke stood her up.

The next morning she called him to find out why.

“I’m really sorry,” he apologised. “The reason I didn’t turn up is that I suffer from premature ejaculation.”

Although she was still miffed, … Read the rest of this entry

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Journalist discovery

Journalist discovery

An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that muslim women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, “Because they are considered of lesser status.” Outraged the journalist went home.

A year later … Read the rest of this entry

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Monkey at the bar

Monkey at the bar

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps onto … Read the rest of this entry

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Married to god

Married to god

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself … Read the rest of this entry

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The best weight loss program

The best weight loss program

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week.
So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it.
Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a … Read the rest of this entry

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Farmer logic

Farmer logic

You know there are so many TV channels, each one starved for new programs.
In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who might have some theories on the matter.

This TRUE interview … Read the rest of this entry

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College farmer son

College farmer son

The farmer and his wife had worked hard, they scrimped and saved to send their son to college.

As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large mustache and sideburns.

Being pleased with his new hairsuite adornment, he had his picture taken … Read the rest of this entry

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7 Wife jokes

7 Wife jokes

Research shows that men speak 25,000 words a day and a women speaks 30,000 a day…
The problem is, after the husband comes home from work having consumed his 25,000 words..
The wife starts her 30,000.

—————————————————————————–

I sat my son down and said, “Look son, in life if you … Read the rest of this entry

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Boyfriend – parent opinion

Boyfriend – parent opinion

My daughter was asking for my opinion regarding her boyfriend, so I told her that I’m frankly did not like him and she should stop seeing him.

“Is it because of his job? So what if he is a store clerk, he earns his money decently and honestly.”
“No, its … Read the rest of this entry

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Religion, Sexuality, Mystery

Religion, Sexuality, Mystery

A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible. The only catch was the story had to include three subjects:

1: Religion
2: Sexuality
3: Mystery
Below is the only A* essay.

“Good god, I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it.”… Read the rest of this entry

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A pissed blonde

A pissed blonde

A blonde woman fears that her husband has been cheating on her so she goes to the gun shop and buys a pistol. The next day when she comes home from work she finds her husband in bed with another woman. She takes out the gun and puts it to … Read the rest of this entry

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The nudist colony

The nudist colony

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony….

On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.

A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, ‘Did you call … Read the rest of this entry

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