Not too drunk

Not too drunk

Three drunk guys decided to share a taxi. The taxi driver noticed how drunk they were and decided to take advantage of them. So, he simply started the car, pressed the gas pedal once, then turned off the engine.

He then turned to the men in the cab and said, … Read the rest of this entry

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Toilet jokes lol

Toilet jokes lol

I was in the mall and needed to use the public restroom.

I had just barely sat down on the commode when I heard a voice in the other stall next to mine.

Stall: “Hi, how are you?”

Me: (embarrassed) “Ummmm…Doin’ fine, I guess!”

Stall: “So what are you up … Read the rest of this entry

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Hunting for ducks

Hunting for ducks

Curly went hunting one day up in the Northern Territory and bagged three ducks.  He put them in the back of his Pickup and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a surly Territory game warden who didn’t like hunters.

The warden ordered Curly to show his … Read the rest of this entry

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Lost my teeth last night

Lost my teeth last night

I was in the “Texas Rose” tavern last night, at the bar waiting for a beer, when a big o’l, butt-ugly heifer came up behind me and slapped me on the butt.

She said,  “Hey sexy, I dig old guys — how about giving me your number.”

I looked at … Read the rest of this entry

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VIP Party

VIP Party

Dick has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress.

He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Tennessee as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.

Otherwise it`s … Read the rest of this entry

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Big dick issues

Big dick issues

A man with a 25-inch penis went to a doctor and said: “I can’t live with this anymore! It’s too long.”

The doctor replied: “I can’t do anything for you, but if you see the witch doctor in the bayou, she can help you.”

So, he went to the bayou … Read the rest of this entry

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Pussy willows

Pussy willows

A man sitting in a chair on his porch sees two boys walking past his house. He asks “What do you have there?” One boy says “We got chicken wire.” The man says “What are you going to do?” “We’re gonna catch chickens.” The man laughs “You can’t catch chickens … Read the rest of this entry

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Suicide line

Suicide line

I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.

When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.… Read the rest of this entry

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”
Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says … Read the rest of this entry

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The cure for snoring

The cure for snoring

This lady goes to a vet and learns that that if you put a ribbon around a snoring dog’s penis he’ll roll over and stop snoring.

The next night her dog is snoring so she goes to the kitchen and gets a red ribbon and ties it around her dog’s … Read the rest of this entry

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The pickle slicer

The pickle slicer

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion… He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he … Read the rest of this entry

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The vet

The vet

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

“My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him”

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, “I’m going to have … Read the rest of this entry

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Two dogs humping

Two dogs humping

A man and his son are walking down the road and see two dogs humping in a lawn. The son asks his dad, “Why are they doing that?”

Thinking quickly, the father replies, “The dog on top hurt his paw so the other one is helping him walk.”

The kid … Read the rest of this entry

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Cost effective assassin

Cost effective assassin

A man goes to an assassin because his wife is sleeping with his best friend. The assassin tells him, “It’s going to cost you $1000 per bullet.”

The man says, “What if you miss?”

The assassin replies, “I don’t miss.”

With this they head off to the motel where his … Read the rest of this entry

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Premature ejaculation

Premature ejaculation

A woman went out for a first date and was upset when the bloke stood her up.

The next morning she called him to find out why.

“I’m really sorry,” he apologised. “The reason I didn’t turn up is that I suffer from premature ejaculation.”

Although she was still miffed, … Read the rest of this entry

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Journalist discovery

Journalist discovery

An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that muslim women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, “Because they are considered of lesser status.” Outraged the journalist went home.

A year later … Read the rest of this entry

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Monkey at the bar

Monkey at the bar

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps onto … Read the rest of this entry

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Married to god

Married to god

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself … Read the rest of this entry

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The best weight loss program

The best weight loss program

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week.
So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it.
Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a … Read the rest of this entry

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Farmer logic

Farmer logic

You know there are so many TV channels, each one starved for new programs.
In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who might have some theories on the matter.

This TRUE interview … Read the rest of this entry

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