Posts made in February, 2011

White man wanting to be black

White man wanting to be black

A white man walks into a doctors office and tells the doctor he wants to be black, can he help?

The doctor says “well, it can be done but i will have remove 30% of your brain, dye your skin 70% darker and make your pecker 6 inches longer, do you still want it done?”

The guy thinks for a minute and says “Ya, doc, I want to be a black man, I agree”

The guy wakes up in the recovery room and the doctor is standing over him and says
“I’m terribly, terribly sorry, I got mixed up in the operating room.  I removed 70% of your brain, made your skin 30% darker and cut off 6 inches of your pecker, can you ever forgive me?”

And the guy says “Si, senior…”

Read More

Highway to Hawaii

Highway to Hawaii

3 men walking the beach drinkin a few beers and one stumbles upon a lamp. Naturally he rubs it and a genie pops out who will grant them all 1 wish each.
The first man says “I’ll take a lifetime supply of Budweiser”
The second man says ” I want 10 million dollars”
The third man says “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m afraid to fly, and I get sea sick..could ya make me a highway that goes there?”
The genie replies that’s a tough one, anything else you want?
The third man says ” Okay then, tell me why women think the way they do?”
The genie replies “Would you like that highway 2 lane or 4?”

Read More

Father’s day prayer

Father’s day prayer

Father’s Day Prayer…

“Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in daddy’s computer.  Amen.”

Read More

The UPS guy

The UPS guy

The UPS Guy

One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

“Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,” the UPS man comments. Bob, in obvious pain, replies “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild.  Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing “WHO AM I?”

The UPS man thinks a moment and says, “How do you play “WHO AM I?”

“Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our ‘privates’ showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.”

The UPS man laughs and says, “Damn, I’m sorry I missed that.”

”Probably a good thing you did,” Bob responded. “Your name came up seven times…….”

Read More

Which falls faster?

Which falls faster?

Blonde girl and a black girl thrown down from a 5 story high building.  Which one hits the ground faster ?

…………………………thinking

…………………………thinking
Ofcourse the black girl hit the ground first.
Why?
Because the blonde girl will stop in the mid air and start asking for directions.

Read More

Basketball

Q: Why are black guys good at basketball?

A: Because they can run, steal and shoot.

Read More

Awesome neighbors

Awesome neighbors

Just before Christmas Willy called the local Police to Report that his neighbour Tommy was hiding Marijuana inside logs by his shed.

A while later he called his neighbor:

Yo Tommy, get ready, i have sent someone to chop all your fire wood. They should be at your place in about 10 15 minutes.

What ? Who did you sent ?

The same people you sent last year to dig my garden.

Read More

What is it for ?

What is it for ?

An American, Italian, and a Pollock were arguing what the head of the d!ck is for.

The American said, “It’s for her pleasure!!”

The Italian said, ” No, it’s for his pleasure!!”

The Pollock said, “No, no, no, you’re both wrong!! It’s so your hand doesn’t slip off!!!!

Read More

For the smart ones :)

For the smart ones :)

They notice four people entering the elevator, a little while later five people step out of it.

The biologist says: “Oh, they must have reproduced.”

The physicist says: “Hmmm, a measurement inaccuracy of up to 20 percent is still fine.”

The mathematician says: “Well, now one person needs to enter the lift for it to be empty.”

Read More

Radio contest

Radio contest

A radio station is offering a round the world trip if you can come up with a word thats not in the dictionary and can be put into a sentence. A jamacian calls and says “ma word is guan, spelt g.u.a.n and ma sentence is “guan fuck yourself!” DJ hangs up and apologises to his listeners! 5 mins later a guy calls and said “Ma word is Smee, spelt s.m.e.e. The DJ says ok, now what is your sentence. The guy says “smee again, guan fuck yourself” !!!

Read More
Page 1 of 1212345...10...Last »