Thai girls

Thai girls

Went to bed with 2 Thai girls last night – it was like winning the lottery!

We had 6 matching balls :((

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Little Johnny vs the new teacher

Little Johnny vs the new teacher

“Good morning class I am your new teacher.  My name is Franny, I want you to remember that.  The first one to remember my name in the morning will get a prize.”

On his way home Little Johnny is saying to himself ” It´s fanny with an R, It´s fanny with an R”

Next morning at school the teacher says “who can remember my name?”

Little Johnny is first with his hand up ” Yes Miss, Crunt”

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Dangerous job

Dangerous job

Its 2.30am and a policeman is on duty in Piccadilly Circus and he sees one of the local queers mincing along with a bag in his hand.
The cop calls him over and says that the bag is a bit suspicious, whats in it?
The queer shows him the bag and there are three bottles in it.
The cop takes a bottle out, uncorks it and sniffs it, “Hmm beer” he says.
Takes the second bottle out, uncorks and sniffs, “Ahh, paraffin”.
Take the third bottle, uncorks it and sniffs.
He goes out like light! When he comes round he says. “Fuck me, what was in the third bottle”.
The queer answers. “Chloroform, makes your ass sore eh?”

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What a coincidence

What a coincidence

Man in bar orders champagne. Lady next to him says “What a coincidence, I’ve ordered champagne too!”

Man: “I’m celebrating”
Lady: “Me too – what a coincidence!”
Man: “What are you celebrating?”
Lady: “Hubby & I have tried for years for a baby, now I’m pregnant”
Man: “What a coincidence. I’m a farmer, for years my hens were infertile, now they are all laying eggs”
Lady: “WOW how did that happen?”
Man: “I used a different cock”

The lady smiled, clincked her glass and said “What a coincidence!”…….

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The UPS guy

The UPS guy

The UPS Guy

One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

“Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,” the UPS man comments. Bob, in obvious pain, replies “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild.  Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing “WHO AM I?”

The UPS man thinks a moment and says, “How do you play “WHO AM I?”

“Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our ‘privates’ showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.”

The UPS man laughs and says, “Damn, I’m sorry I missed that.”

”Probably a good thing you did,” Bob responded. “Your name came up seven times…….”

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What is it for ?

What is it for ?

An American, Italian, and a Pollock were arguing what the head of the d!ck is for.

The American said, “It’s for her pleasure!!”

The Italian said, ” No, it’s for his pleasure!!”

The Pollock said, “No, no, no, you’re both wrong!! It’s so your hand doesn’t slip off!!!!

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The Strongest Viagra

The Strongest Viagra

So this older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for ‘Viagra’. The guy asks for a large dose of the *strongest* variety.
The doctor asks why he needs so much.
The guy says that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for pain killers.
The doctor asks ‘Why, is your dick in that much pain?’, ‘No’, says the guy, ‘It’s for my wrists – the girls never showed up!’

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Language trouble

Language trouble

Name?
– Abdul al-Rhazib.
– Sex?
– Three to five times a week.
– No, no… I mean male or female?
– Male, female, sometimes camel.
– Holy cow!
– Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
– But isn’t that hostile?
– Horse style, doggy style, any style!
– Oh dear!
– No, no! Deer run too fast …

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Male masseuse

Male masseuse

I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today..
Apparently the instruction ‘finish off on her face’ didn’t mean what I thought it did..

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English teacher

English teacher

A boy comes home from primary school one day. His mother notices that he’s got a big smile on his face. She asks, “You look happy, did anything special happen at school today?”
“Yes mum – I had sex with my English teacher!” he replied.
The mother is stunned. “Get up them stairs now and wait until your father gets home!”
The dad comes home and hears the news; he’s as pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, “I hear you had sex with your English teacher.”
“That’s right, Dad.”
“Well, you became a man today – this is a cause for celebration. Let’s get fish and chips, then I’ll buy you that bike you’ve been asking for.”
“Mint! – but I can I have a football instead? My arse is killing me.”

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