Screw for that hinge

Screw for that hinge

Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent Mary Louise to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe Bob to finish waiting on a customer. When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Louise asked how much for the teapot? Joe Bob replied, “That’s silver and it costs $100!”

“My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!” Mary Louise exclaimed. She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to buy, and Jo Bob went to the backroom to find a hinge. From the backroom, Joe Bob yelled “Mary Louise, you wanna screw for that hinge?’ To which Mary Louise replied, “No, but I will for the teapot.”

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Blonde in a car

Blonde in a car

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.

“No!” yells the blonde.

Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.

“For the last time, no!” says the blonde.

Frustrated, the guy asks, “Well, why the hell not?”

The blonde says, “Because I wanna stay up here with you!

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Blond guys can be smart too

Blond guys can be smart too

A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
“What happened?!?” he says in panic.
“I’m having a heart attack!” cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,”Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!”

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

“You rotten bastard,” says the husband. “My wife is having a heart attack and you’re running around naked and scaring the kids!!!”

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Blonde detective training at day

Blonde detective training at day

Joke with: blonde detective at training day

A policeman was interrogating 3 blonde detectives who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde detective a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The first blonde detective answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”

The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture shows his profile.”

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde detective and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The second blonde detective giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”

The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it’s a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde detective and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly adds” . . . think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”

The blonde detective looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “Hmmmm . . . the suspect wears contact lenses.”

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer . . . wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. “Wow! I can’t believe it…it’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”

“That’s easy,” the blonde detective replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

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A pissed blonde

A pissed blonde

A blonde woman fears that her husband has been cheating on her so she goes to the gun shop and buys a pistol. The next day when she comes home from work she finds her husband in bed with another woman. She takes out the gun and puts it to her own head. Her husband yells “Don’t shoot yourself!”

She yells back “Shut up! You’re next!”

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Which falls faster?

Which falls faster?

Blonde girl and a black girl thrown down from a 5 story high building.  Which one hits the ground faster ?

…………………………thinking

…………………………thinking
Ofcourse the black girl hit the ground first.
Why?
Because the blonde girl will stop in the mid air and start asking for directions.

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Ventriloquist

Ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He’s going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,
“OK jerk, I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person…
because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large… all in the name of humor.”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to that little fucker on your knee!”

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Blonde detective

Blonde detective

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the  Texas Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said,
“So y’all want to be cops, huh?”
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said,
“To be a detective, you have to be able to detect.
You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth.”
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
“Now,” he said,
“did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?”
The blonde immediately said,
“Yes, I did. He has only one eye!”
The detective shook his head and said,
“Of course he has only one eye in this picture!
It’s a profile of his face!
You’re dismissed!”
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,
“What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?”
“Yes! He only has one ear!”
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,
“Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady?
This is a profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear!
You’re excused too!”
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said,
“This is probably a waste of time, but….”
He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying,
“All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or Unusual about this man?”
The blonde said,
“I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.
” The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said,
“You’re absolutely right!
His bio says he wears contacts!
How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?”
The blonde rolled her eyes and said,
“Well,  Hellooooooooooooo! With only
One eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses.”

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Speeding blonde

A Policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver’s license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver’s license, he asks for registration.
Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, “It’s that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment.”
“Ah,” she says as she bends over to get it. While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his cock out.
Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, “Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!”

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London and the moon

Two blondes out one night, one turns to the other and asks:
– Which one do you reckon is further london or the moon ?
The other blonde turns to her friend and replies :
– D`oh … you can see the moon …

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