3 rolls left over

3 rolls left over

My wife had been at me for some while to get the lounge redecorated
“Frank and Mary have just done theirs,” she said. They lived 4 doors away. Their house (like many of estates in GB) is exactly the same layout as ours, having been built by the same builder in the same boring way.

I went round there – she was right, their lounge looked really good. And the wallpaper was Ok. I asked Frank where he’d bought it and how many rolls, to save me having to work it out.

“I bought 8 rolls,” said Frank, “At B&Q …and if you go on Wednesday you can get 10% off with their seniors’ card too.”
Of course, as wifey had decreed there was no getting out of it. And I came away from the store, quite proud I’d nibbled 10% into their profit margin.
A good few days later, the wallpapering was complete. But I was puzzled as I had 3 full rolls left over.
I went round to Frank’s and told him. “I just can’t understand why I had 3 rolls left over.”
“Well, that’s funny,” said Frank. “So did I.”

Read More

Neighborhood stud

Neighborhood stud

Son:”Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!”
Father: “That’s great son. Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter”
Father: “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.
I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.

“The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later …
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love again n she is even hotter!”
Father: “That’s great son. Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Angela, the other neighbor’s daughter.”
Father: “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that.Angela is also your sister.”

This went on a couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son:”Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because dad is their father!”
The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him He isn’t your father.

Read More

Lexophilia or dad jokes for that matter

Lexophilia or dad jokes for that matter

• Venison for dinner again? Oh, deer!

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

• I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

• I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

• When chemists die, they barium.

• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

• I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

• Broken pencils are pointless.

• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

• I dropped out of communism class because of terrible Marx.

• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

• Velcro – what a rip-off!

• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

Read More