Do you know what I think?

Do you know what I think?

Fred and Mary get married but can’t afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, “No”.

Johnny asks, “Do you know what I think?”

His mom replies, “Never mind what you think! Just go to school.”

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, “Is Fred and Mary up yet?”

She replies, “No.”

Johnny says, “Do you know what I think?”

His mom replies, “Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.”

After school, he comes home and asks, “Is Fred and Mary up yet?”

His mom says, “No.”

Johnny asks, “Do you know what I think?”

His mom replies, “OK! What do you think?”

He says, “Well, last night Fred came in for Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.”

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Little Johnny knows everything

Little Johnny knows everything

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” … Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out…..

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.”
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.

The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

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The Mars bar

The Mars bar

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “quickie” with their 8-year old son, little Johnny, in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.

Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

‘There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,’ he shouted.

‘An ambulance just drove by!’

‘Looks like the Anderson ‘s have company,’ he called out.

‘Matt’s riding a new bike!’

‘Looks like the Sanders are moving!’

‘Jason is on his skate board!’

After a few moments he announced, ‘The Coopers are having a shag!’

Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out, ‘How do you know that?’

‘Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar.’

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Little Johnny vs mommy

Little Johnny vs mommy

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

“Why do you do that, mommy?” he asked.

“To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

“What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”

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Little Johnny vs the new teacher

Little Johnny vs the new teacher

“Good morning class I am your new teacher.  My name is Franny, I want you to remember that.  The first one to remember my name in the morning will get a prize.”

On his way home Little Johnny is saying to himself ” It´s fanny with an R, It´s fanny with an R”

Next morning at school the teacher says “who can remember my name?”

Little Johnny is first with his hand up ” Yes Miss, Crunt”

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Tongue sticking out

Tongue sticking out

One evening there was this little boy in the bath with his elderly grandmother when he suddenly makes a discovery.
“GRANDMA! GRANDMA! WHAT’S THAT?!”
“Why that’s my beaver” she explains
About a week later the little boy shares a bath with his mommy when he suddenly makes yet another discovery.
“MOMMY! MOMMY! WHAT’S THAT?! WHAT’S THAT?!”
“Why that’s my beaver” she explains.
The boy in concern says “Grandma has one too….except I think hers is dead”
In shock, the mother asks  “Now why would you think something like that?”
And the little guy says  “Cause it’s tongue’s sticking out”

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Not getting stucked !

Not getting stucked !

Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday.

Johnny’s father says, “We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won’t be a $200 bike this year.”

Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he’s leaving.

Johnny says, “Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I’ll be damned if I’ll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!”

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What’s granddad like ?

What’s granddad like ?

My small grandson got lost in the new Liverpool One shopping centre the other day.
He approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my granddad!”
The guard asked, “What’s his name?”
“Granddad.”
The guard smiled, then asked: “What’s he like?”
The little tyke hesitated for a moment and then replied:
“Red wine, and women with big tits.”

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Little Johnny – sex ed

Little Johnny – sex ed

Little Johnny was sitting in Beginning Sex Ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board. “Does anyone know what this is?” She asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “Sure, my daddy has two of them!” “Two of them?!” the teacher asked. “Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy’s teeth!”

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