Batch of racist jokes

Batch of racist jokes

(before starting with SJW and the sensitivity crap, please keep in mind that this is a funny jokes/humor website. send a joke instead of dissecting humor )

It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters.
They are putting some Persil in to stop the coloreds running.

Two pregnant Irish women knitting.
One says “I hope mines a boy, I’ve only got blue wool”.
The other says “I hope mines disabled, I’ve fucked up the sleeves”.

Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London .
Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

Following the riots in Tottenham, it’s important to remind ourselves that not all black people are stereotypical thieves and arsonists.
The vast majority are drug dealers and rapists.

Muslims have gone on the rampage in Bradford, killing anyone who’s English.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 5.

Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing.
I thought she was dead until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realized she was just on standby.

Ngogo Mwambi has to travel 5 miles every day for fresh water, 7 miles every day for food & 10 miles every day for medicine for him & his family. This is because the daft bastard and all his mates torched the Peckham Spar, Tottenham KFC, and Hackney Medical Centre and now he has to walk to Croydon for his breakfast.

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At least once

At least once

A woman with a clipboard just knocked at our door.
She asked me if we would have an Ethiopian child for Christmas.
We normally have a turkey but, fuck it, I’ll try anything once.

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Boyfriends

Boyfriends

My daughter was asking for my opinion regarding her boyfriend, so I told her that I frankly do not like him and she should stop seeing him.

“Is it because of his job? So what if he is a store clerk, he earns his money decently and honestly.”
“No, its not his job.”

“Then what, you don’t like the way he dresses?”
“No, I’m fine that.”

“Ok, is it because he has a tattoo, that is so common these days.”
“No, the tattoo is his choice, and I’ve got no problems with that.”

“Then what, do you think he has a drug problem?”
“No.”

“Then why don’t you just tell me what you don’t like about Ahmed.”

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B-R-O-W-N

B-R-O-W-N

A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter and boomed, “howdy, ma’am. My name’s Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah’m from Dallas, Texas. Ah’m 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah’m white from th’ top of mah head to th’ tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish.”

Well, she didn’t know what else to do, so she took his ticket and showed him onto the plane.

He sat down in his seat, and turned to the fellow next to him, “howdy, suh. My name’s Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah’m from Dallas, Texas. Ah’m 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah’m white from th’ top of mah head to th’ tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish.”

The little fellow turned to him, “well now, how d’ye do. My name is Patrick Michael O’Donnell. I’m from Dublin, Ireland. I’m 5-foot 6-inches tall, and I’m white from the top o’ me head to the tip o’ me toes, except for me rectum, which is brown. Spelled B-R-O-W-N.”

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Chinese vs. Jewish pilots

Chinese vs. Jewish pilots

Two pilots are flying together for the first time, one Chinese and the other Jewish.

A couple of hours in, the Jewish pilot turns to his Chinese counterpart and says, ‘ I don’t like the Chinese’.
‘Why you no like Chinese?’ he replies.
‘Well, because the Chinese bombed Pearl Harbor’says the Jew.
‘The Chinese didn’t bomb Pearl Harbor’, the Chinese pilot laughs, ‘the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor’.
To which the Jew replies, ‘Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, they’re all the same to me’.

The Chinese pilot is pretty pissed off at this, and after a little while he turns to the Jewish pilot to say ‘ Well, I don’t like the Jewish’.
‘You don’t like the Jews?’he asks, ‘Why not?’
‘Because the Jews sank the Titanic’ states the Chinese pilot.
The Jew laughs, ‘The Jews din’t sink the Titanic! An iceberg sank the Titanic!’
To which the Chinese pilot replies, ‘Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, they’re all the same to me’.

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Boyfriend – parent opinion

Boyfriend – parent opinion

My daughter was asking for my opinion regarding her boyfriend, so I told her that I’m frankly did not like him and she should stop seeing him.

“Is it because of his job? So what if he is a store clerk, he earns his money decently and honestly.”
“No, its not his job.”

“Then what, you don’t like the way he dresses?”
“No, I’m fine that.”

“Ok, is it because he has a tattoo, that is so common these days.”
“No, the tattoo is his choice, and I’ve got no problems with that.”

“Then what, do you think he has a drug problem?”
“No.”

“Then why don’t you just tell me what you don’t like about Ahmed.”

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Jew Jitsu

Jew Jitsu

So one guy says to another guy, “Mandelbaum and Rosenstern were talking one day…”

Right away, his friend interrupts him, “Always with the Jewish jokes! Give it a rest! Why do they always have to be about Jews? Just change the names to another ethnic group for once!”

So he starts again, “Hashimoto and Suzuki were talking one day at their nephew’s Bar Mitzvah…”

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Basketball

Q: Why are black guys good at basketball?

A: Because they can run, steal and shoot.

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Smart husband

Smart husband

A pregnant woman with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetrician’s office.
After the exam, she shyly said, “My husband wants me to ask you…”, to which the doctor replies “I know…I know…” placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
“I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.”
“No, that’s not it,” the woman confessed.
“He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”

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Chocolate cake

Chocolate cake

There was a white woman, baking a chocolate cake for her little white son. She turned her back and that little white boy took that chocolate, rubbed it on his face, and said: ‘Look, Mommy! I’m black!’ She slapped the shit out of him: ‘Stop that Justin Timberlake crap! You go tell your dad what you just said.

Look, Daddy! I’m black!’ He said: ‘Don’t you start that Eminem bullshit with me! Go tell your grandfather what you just said.’ ‘Look, Grandpa! I’m black!’ Grandpa knocked the fuck out of him: ‘Don’t start that Al Jolson bullshit with me, Timmy! Go back to your mother.

Mother said: ‘Now, Timmy, what did you learn today?’ Timmy said: ‘I’ve learned I’ve been black for five minutes and already I hate you white motherfuckers!

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