Grandma’s boyfriend!

Grandma’s boyfriend!

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said: “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to Heaven?”
Grandma replied: “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh … I’m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.”
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma’s minister.
The minister said: “Hello son, is your Grandma home?”
The little boy replied: “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.”
The minister fainted.

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Irish priest

Irish priest

Little Irish lad crying by the side of the road,a passer by says

“Whats wrong son?”

Lad says “Me ma just died”

“Oh Jaysus” the man says. “D’ya want me to fetch Father O’Reilly?”

“No thanks” says the boy, “Sex is the last thing on my mind right now”!

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Dressed to kill

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.

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Life saver

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.
I said, “Don’t do it!”
He said, “Nobody loves me.”
I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.”
I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”
He said, “A Christian.”
I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”
He said, “Protestant.”
I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”
He said, “Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”
I said, “Me, too!”

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”
And I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

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