Pussy and bitch

Pussy and bitch

A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. “Mom”, the boy asks, “What’s a pussy?”

The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says “Son, that is a pussy.” the son then asks “What’s a bitch?” The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says “Son, this is a bitch.”

The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says “Dad, what’s a pussy?” The father doesn’t want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says “Son, this is a pussy!”

The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks “Then, what is a bitch?”

The dad replies, “That’s everything outside the circle!”

Read More

Another seven important men

Another seven important men

The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman’s Life:

1. The Doctor – who tells her to “take off all her clothes.”

2. The Dentist – who tells her to “open wide.”

3. The Milkman – who asks her “do you want it in the front or the back?”

4. The Hairdresser – who asks her “do you want it teased or blown?”

5. The Interior Designer – who assures her “once it’s inside, you’ll LOVE it!”

6. The Banker – who insists to her “if you take it out too soon, you’ll lose interest!”

7. The Primal Hunter – who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her “Keep quiet and lie still!”

Read More

Toes would rise

Toes would rise

A couple were indulged in sexual intercourse and the man noticed that with each movement of his pelvis, his partner’s toes would rise.

Later that night, while going at it pretty hot and heavy in the shower, her toes remained still. Confused, he asked, “Why is it that when we do it in bed, your toes go up, but when we do it in the shower, they don’t?”

“Silly,” she replied, “I take my pantyhose off in the shower!”

Read More

Shake the Coke bottle

Shake the Coke bottle

A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a virgin and wants to stay that way.

“Well, okay,” he says, “how about a blow job?” “Yuck!” she screams. “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”

He says, “Well, then, how about a hand job?” “I’ve never done that,” she says. “What do I have to do?”

“Well,” he answers, “remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?” She nods. “Well, it’s just like that.”

So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.

“What’s wrong?!” she cries out.

“Take your thumb off the end!!”

Read More