They fast

They fast

What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.

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Golfing days

Golfing days

Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out:
“Are you okay? What’s your name?”
“It’s Sam, and I’m okay, thanks,” I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.
“Sam,” she said, “Forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”
“That’s mighty nice of you,” I answered, “But I don’t think my wife would like it.”
“Oh, come on now,” Elizabeth insisted. She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive … I was weak.
“Well okay,” I finally agreed but thought to myself, “My wife won’t like it.” After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I’d best go now.”
“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”.
I said, “Still under the golf cart, I guess…”

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Stevie Wonder – Golfing

Stevie Wonder – Golfing

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods meet at a fund raiser.
Woods turns to Wonder and says: “How is the singing career going?”
Stevie Wonder replies: “Not too bad! How’s the golf?”
Woods replies: “Not too bad, I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I think I’ve got that right now.”
Stevie Wonder says: “I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.
Tiger Woods says: “You play golf?”
Stevie Wonder says: “Oh, yes, I’ve been playing for years.”
Woods says: “But, you’re blind. How can you play golf if you’re blind?”
Wonder replies: “I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.”
“But, how do you putt?”, asks Woods.
“Well,” says Stevie, “I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.”
Woods asks: “What’s your handicap?”
Stevie says, “Well, I’m a scratch golfer.”
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie: “We’ve got to play a round sometime.”
Wonder replies: “Well, people don’t take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole.”
Woods thinks about it and says, “OK, I’m game for that, when would you like to play?”
Stevie says, “Pick a night.”

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