Posts Tagged "funny jokes 2017"

Blond guys can be smart too

Blond guys can be smart too

A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
“What happened?!?” he says in panic.
“I’m having a heart attack!” cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,”Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!”

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

“You rotten bastard,” says the husband. “My wife is having a heart attack and you’re running around naked and scaring the kids!!!”

Read More

Stevie Wonder – Golfing

Stevie Wonder – Golfing

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods meet at a fund raiser.
Woods turns to Wonder and says: “How is the singing career going?”
Stevie Wonder replies: “Not too bad! How’s the golf?”
Woods replies: “Not too bad, I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I think I’ve got that right now.”
Stevie Wonder says: “I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.
Tiger Woods says: “You play golf?”
Stevie Wonder says: “Oh, yes, I’ve been playing for years.”
Woods says: “But, you’re blind. How can you play golf if you’re blind?”
Wonder replies: “I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.”
“But, how do you putt?”, asks Woods.
“Well,” says Stevie, “I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.”
Woods asks: “What’s your handicap?”
Stevie says, “Well, I’m a scratch golfer.”
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie: “We’ve got to play a round sometime.”
Wonder replies: “Well, people don’t take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole.”
Woods thinks about it and says, “OK, I’m game for that, when would you like to play?”
Stevie says, “Pick a night.”

Read More
Page 13 of 13« First...910111213