Posts Tagged "new jokes 2012"

No reason not to celebrate

No reason not to celebrate

Husband takes the wife to a disco.

There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says: “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

Husband says: … Read the rest of this entry

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So tired …

So tired …

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that … Read the rest of this entry

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Firefighters at their finest

Firefighters at their finest

One dark night in the township of Whakatane, New Zealand, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the … Read the rest of this entry

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Surprise handjob

Surprise handjob

A girl was giving me a hand job last night.

“You’re really good at this,” I said, “what’s your secret?”

“Years of practice,” she giggled.

“You’ve done this to loads of guys then? I asked.

“No” came the reply, “my name used to be Derek.”… Read the rest of this entry

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Three dogs

Three dogs

They did a study a few weeks ago on a common rumour that dogs after a while start acting like their owners. So the scientist picked an architect’s dog, an accountant’s dog, and a homosexual’s dog.

They put the architect’s dog in a room gave him ten bones and he … Read the rest of this entry

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O and o

O and o

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils … Read the rest of this entry

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That fly

That fly
I said to my girlfriend, “Please get me a newspaper.”
“Don’t be silly,” she replied, “you can borrow my iPad.”

That fly never knew what fucking hit it …

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Revenge is a dish best served …

Revenge is a dish best served …
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. He went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He … Read the rest of this entry
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Great product line

Great product line
In efforts to keep with a great product line, we are now offering a new inexpensive Tampon. We know it won’t be the best so our slogan will be as follows:

Our Tampons may not be #1 but, we’re still up there!

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US vs. British Navy

US vs. British Navy

The US and British Navy were recently on military exercises in the Persian gulf. The communications officer on the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise sent a radio message to the British carrier HMS Illustrious: “And how”s the second biggest Navy in the world today then?”

To which the Illustrious officer responded: … Read the rest of this entry

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