Posts Tagged "paddy jokes"

Paddy vs. The Movie

Paddy vs. The Movie

Paddy and murphy were watching a John Wayne movie. Paddy said to Murphy: “I bet you 5$ John Wayne falls off this horse and the horse goes over the cliff.
Murphy said: “Ok Paddy”, so there they are, watching the film and John Wayne falls off the horse and the … Read the rest of this entry

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Irish milionnaire

Irish milionnaire

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.

“You’ve done very well so far,” said Chris Tarrant, the show’s presenter,
“but for a million euros you’ve only got one life-line left, phone a friend. … Read the rest of this entry

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How to bathe a baby

How to bathe a baby

Paddy gets a job in a maternity unit when he’s asked to bath a baby.
The nurse walks in to see him moving the baby around in the bathtub with a stick.
She screams at him: “What the hell do you think you’re doing, you don’t bath a baby with … Read the rest of this entry

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Paddy and the name change

Paddy and the name change

Paddy wants his name changed so he goes to Summerset House to see the commissioner.  Paddy says “I want me name changed”.  The Commissioner replies, “You see them double doors up there, go through them, there is a woman at the desk, she’ll do it for you”.  Paddy goes through … Read the rest of this entry

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Paddy at the zoo

Paddy at the zoo

The zookeeper says to Paddy “The Gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with her… would you consider shagging her for £500″?  Paddy replies “I will, on three conditions.  Firstly, I don’t have to kiss her.  Secondly, my family will never get to know, and Thirdly, … Read the rest of this entry

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Paddy on a diet

Paddy on a diet

Paddy weighs 20st so his doctor puts him on a diet.  “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat this for two weeks.  You should lose 5lbs”.  When Paddy returns, he shocks the doctor by having lost 4st.  “That’s amazing” the doctor says… … Read the rest of this entry

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Paddy on a flight

A priest was seated next to Paddy on a flight.  Paddy ordered a Rum & Coke.  The flight attendant asked the priest if he would like a drink.  He replied in discust “I’d rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips”!  Paddy handed his drink … Read the rest of this entry

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Labrador

Paddy tells Mick he’s thinking of buying a labrador. “Feck off”, say’s Mick, “have you seen how many of their owners go blind”!… Read the rest of this entry

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Paddy vs. Murphy

Paddy is driving past Murphy’s house one day and notices a sign in his garden saying:
“BOAT FOR SALE”.

He stops his car and knocks on his mate Murphys house.

“Murphy, whats dis, yuv got a sign up sayin’ “Boat for sale”? Ya haven’t got a boat, yuv only got … Read the rest of this entry

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Paddy vs. Africa

Paddy met a black girl in the club, after a few drinks and a dance, she asked if he would like to take her home.
Paddy said “Yer must be feckin’ jokin, I’m not driving all the way Africa at this time of night”… Read the rest of this entry

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